Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Secret Life of a Crazy Housewife

Me...well...a representation of me secretly, happily doing dishes by hand.

This would NOT represent me unless I was just mad someone didn't finish that yummy looking cake I had slaved over.

  Shhh...don't tell my family, but I like to do the dishes. By hand. I love the hot soapy water. I have a dish soap fetish. I like the esoteric, earth friendly ones because they come in fragrances like geranium and lavender. I especially like Meyer's dish soap. 

I have to buy regular dish soap for Madley because he does like to wash the dishes for me after dinner... quite often. He doesn't like foo foo juice smelling dish soap.

When we're on vacation I secretly love a hotel with a tiny kitchen. Then I can do the dishes while on vacation and not get lonely for my sink...but they always have boring green Palmolive dish washing soap. Green Palmolive dish soap is for soaking your fingers in before you get a manicure...Madge told me that. Note to self...Sneak some of my geranium dish soap in my suitcase next time.

No one living in this house reads my blog so I can tell you secrets, right? I trust you ...if these people knew I liked cleaning so much they would NEVER do anything around here.

Secret # 652- I love the smell of Lemon Pledge. I dust more than is possibly needed because I like the smell. Same goes for Murphy's Oil Soap...I used to clean my saddles with it so it has sentimental value. 

 Secret # 479- I like to clean windows with vinegar and newspaper. I have to do it when he is gone because Madley hates the smell of vinegar... his mom used to put it on him when he got a sunburn. He didn't like smelling like salad...his dates would turn their noses up at him when he picked them up... Plus he probably looked like a lobster which isn't a good look for him. I'm so glad he eventually learned to run faster than his mom and quit going out in the sun without sunblock... because when I met him he smelled and looked much better.

I secretly don't like the way a couple of people in this house put dishes in the dishwasher. I sneak in after they leave and rearrange them my way. 
"Okay...who let a stray dog into the house and made him do the dishes for you? "
We don't have a dog.

Secret # 1009- I move everything in the kitchen around every 6 months to keep from getting bored...it's super dooper fun to watch people looking for something for 3 hours.

Secret # 2863- I move everything in the living room  around every 6 months because I want new furniture. 

Secret # 1- I double despise laundry. Madley LOVES to do the laundry. What is wrong with that boy? It's no secret that I don't do laundry anymore. He took his and mine over when I went back to work full time a few years ago after me doing it for 20 years. Let me tell you a secret...he does the laundry MUCH better than I do. I still have to put my own laundry away though. Oh the humanities!!! I don't even work full time anymore since I quit to become a photographer, writer, home schooling Nana. But he won't let me touch the laundry. I must have been really awful at it ;)

Secret # 2- Grocery shopping. I love to cook, hate to shop. Little Indy likes to shop for groceries. Good for her. She hates to cook.

I have 467, 392 pictures to go through on my computer. Not a secret.

When no one but me is home, which is rare, I clean whilst singing... "The Happy Little Working Song"...too bad I sing off key because no little forest animals come through the windows to help me and I would really love for the coyotes and cows to come in and make good use of themselves instead of mooing and yelping all night long. They do sound a lot like my singing though. 

 I secretly dream of living in a loft in the city and decorating it all myself with IKEA furniture and fixtures. I actually go walk around IKEA and plan it all out in my mind. Then I plan it all out on my computer. Madley is welcome to come and live with me, of course. I need someone to do my laundry.

Madley really loves IKEA kitchen drawers and the way they stop right before they close and slowly pull themselves flush without slamming and how smoothly they do this miracle. So we go into IKEA together sometimes and play with ALL of the kitchen drawers and sit on the couches for hours and just talk. It's a great date where we can be alone. Utterly alone...well...except for all the other people there and the employees who make us move to another spot once an hour. But for us...we're alone. I'm not kidding. We really do this. 

If you are a newlywed or not so newlywed and need a cheap date, I highly recommend this.

So these are some of my silly secrets and proof that I am crazy and you should be afraid. Very afraid. I hope that you have secrets so I won't be alone. I spend my days trying to find something to clean and watching Madley do the laundry. This is my daily Lindy Show. I'm just crazy enough.

 Then I run outside and throw my hat in the air and sing off key while that woman in the background always gives me the stink eye. 

The End


  1. I'm sure you are writing a book about ME! Huh Huh Huh!!!! ALL ABOUT ME! YES YOU ARE!!!!!

  2. Yes M. That's exactly what I'm doing. You you you. Okay. I'm done.


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