Guilt? Never.

I wish this were me. I miss this me. I need some horsey in my life.

Thoughts flow through my head like ghosts in and out of windows in a haunted house.

Fleeting...yet sometimes filled with guilt, sometimes joy. Sometimes a longing for past pleasures.

This is what getting older and having rheumatoid arthritis feels like for me.

The monthly injection I give myself keeps the beast at bay, somewhat.

But my hands and elbows manifest the disease. You may not notice it.

Without the medication...I can barely do this. These are Little Indy's hands.

It's Fall. My very favorite time of year.






With my RA, and the medicine I take...which lowers my immune system so it stops attacking my joints...I am very aware of my surroundings.

 I need to avoid sick people. Little people can be very snotty and green.

I have two little green snotty people living with me.
But I can avoid them when they are sick.
Since we homeschool...they don't get sick as much.

 I get my yearly flu shot and a pneumonia shot.

My family gets their yearly flu shots for me.

I was called to work with the children in our ward.
I had to say no. I've never said no to a calling.

In our church we share the load and are called to different positions.
This is one calling I just can't do.


Guilt?


No.


I need to stay healthy for me and my family.


But I wish I didn't have to say no so much.

I do like being healthy.

So there you go.